A year ago today…

As I take a moment to breathe. My life, my love, my Dawn has left us for the richness of Heaven. My heart screams in triumphant joy at the thought of her meeting Jesus and sitting in the splendor of God’s Kingdom. I know she is being introduced to God’s Army by her Grandfather “Pop”. Her pain has been replaced 1000 fold with JOY. My heart and eyes overflow with tears.

In that same moment, I look into the mirror and see half my soul ripped asunder. That which was so deeply rooted is now gone. My soul cannot but scream for the loss of such an intimate connection. As it keens for the loss of its mate, a faint velvet warmth blossoms. An ethereal kiss I can’t quite touch, but tendrils of my wife caress me with hints of peace and exaltation.

My soul sighs. God has her and I have been given a final gift my love. It will take time, but I sense the faint wisps of the promise of PEACE.
Thank you Dawn Faust Bibby

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To die FREE

I have long stated that I will die free.  As a student of history, of the American Revolution, of the Founding Fathers, of libertarianism; it is not much of a stretch for me to state categorically that my plan is to die free.  In my pre-Dawn days, my statements regarding dying free simply meant: I would die on my feet rather than live on my knees.  My marriage with her expanded the meaning of dying free exponentially.

There are many ways to live which are not “free” some of those we choose of our own free will.  Marriage is a restriction on freedom.  Contractual obligations make you not free, like your mortgage or a job contract.  Hopefully, these restrictions, freely entered into are at worst an even trade of loss of freedom for gain of freedom.

I know in my marriage, the tethering of two souls certainly demanded that I not act in the same way I had when I was single.  On the other hand, it was a gestalt event that freed me of so many burdens and gave those remaining burdens, a second set of shoulders to carry them.  That was quite freeing in ways I am still discovering a year after her death.  In theory, all voluntary contracts that “restrict” freedom should net result actually increase freedom in this or a similar manner.

Some things that were rattling around in my head, jelled when I read this by Sarah Hoyt.

https://accordingtohoyt.com/2017/08/01/what-you-owe/

I also realized that Dawn died free.  It took cancer, a year with a counselor, a fair amount of work in our marriage and many other things to get her there.  Cancer forced her to accept her “tried and true” methods did not work and had brought her to a horrible place.  The year with the counselor helped her understand the mechanisms by which she paid dues that were not rightfully hers and helped her develop a method of discriminating between her legitimate duties and those wrongly demanded by others.

In our marriage, we both worked diligently to grow our love and to assume the obligations of the other.  In doing so, we helped each other be much freer.  It wasn’t always perfect.  We often made mistakes, but even those increased our bond as we learned it was ok to err.  The mistakes forced communication and owning the error, but in doing that, we learned and grew closer.  In seeing they were not catastrophic or love damaging, we became freer to risk more and deepen our love.  Deep love is freeing in ways you can only imagine if you have never been so blessed.

Dawn started out significantly less free than I.  Her childhood experiences, her first marriage led to the erosion of her self, her confidence and her love of self.  Her second marriage was hell on earth.  You can not be free with those burdens.  In her struggle out of the pit cancer created, she confronted each of those demons and battled them.  At first, she lost every battle, but gained knowledge and returned to the fight stronger.  Later she would best the foe, but still be forced to retreat.  By the time she was finished with her radiation treatments, she had won the war.  By then, she was a much freer person than I.  She was helping me to learn from her struggles and victories.  She was teaching me and anyone else who would listen, how to free the mind and soul from the bondage of life’s wrongly learned lessons.

She rebuilt a relationship with her eldest daughter that had been damaged by the actions and deceit of others.  The ties to her other children also grew stronger.  She knew they were adults and had to be allowed to succeed or fail on their own terms, but she nurtured them in ways she had never known before and they grew.

Her ties to the cancer community grew broad and strong.  She dedicated her time to helping others see cancer as a gift of awakening even if it might mean the curse of a shorter life.  Her goal was to help people to see that QUALITY trumps quantity and you get to choose the QUALITY of your actions and your life.  She lived that until the day she died.

She gave me so many gifts.  The gift I share with you today is the gift of seeing her fight and earn freedom.  She died in my arms a truly free woman.  I witnessed the Valkaries come and escort her soul to God.  It was a soul that departed at peace with herself and her life’s journey.  That is the definition of “Dying Free”.

She bore witness for me as to what true freedom means.  I pale in comparison to her example, but she has given me a metric to strive for.

When I die, I will die free.  In doing so, I will be free to join her and learn what TRUE freedom is.

 

 

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Article V

Folks, today is my favorite holiday. There are many reasons for it being my favorite, not the least of which is without it, the other ones would not exist the way they do.
 
America, the last great hope of freedom, protect her at her Constitutional best. Our Founding Fathers knew that a day would come when internal corruption would endanger the Republic they had created. They gave us guidance both in their writings and more importantly within the confines of the Constitution.
 
Thomas Jefferson- “The Tree of Liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.”
 
Within the Constitution they gave a method for rebuking the corrosion we currently face. Article V clearly states a path to reign in an overbearing federal government. It clearly states a blood free method of returning rights to the states and stripping away the ossified layers of the deep state.
 
Madison assumed this safety valve would be used every 50-75 years. We are at least 160 years overdue in his mind.
 
My friends, there are people actively working to return America to her glory. Thirteen states have passed approval for Convention of States, which puts us 1/3 of the way there. http://www.marklevinshow.com/2015/06/11/the-dumbing-down-of-the-article-v-convention-of-the-states-constitutional-process/
 
Please read the article as a primer to do additional research, but understand regardless of your fears or your misgivings. This is the only way we escape further and further creep towards violent fratricide.
 
The Founding Fathers would long ago have taken direct action. Much like they began preparing material goods well before the actual Declaration of Independence on this august day in 1776, many of my fellow Americans have laid in significant stocks, just in case. We, the American Patriot are a freedom loving bunch, so much so that we refuse to live any other way. If Mr. Jefferson’s quote must be fulfilled in order to maintain that freedom, then so be it. But, we would greatly prefer to utilize the construct of Article V within the Constitution, proposed by George Mason and ratified by the rest of the Constitutional Convention.

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241 years

Two hundred and forty one years ago today the last of the signatories signed the Declaration of Independence.  Those brave men and women (non signatories but just as involved) started the greatest experiment in freedom this planet has ever seen.

This is by far my favorite holiday.  It is the day when mankind finally took a distinct step out of the millenia of poverty and misery to boldly proclaim the right to economic, religious and personal freedom from tyranny.  The right to pursue life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness….

We have come so far since then, and that is not in a good way.

I have a feeling today with be the last of my fun days for a while.  Much like our country, my life is not running on track currently.  Unlike, my country the problems in my personal life will resolve themselves.  I have a recently failed relationship that weighs heavily on my heart.  The anniversary of my marriage with Dawn is 17 days away and that weighs heavily as a reminder of opportunities lost.  The one year anniversary of my Earthly loss of my wife is 16 days after that.  I am dreading that in ways I can’t even consciously understand.

The good news is Independence Day is an amazing uplifting day for me, so it will help boost my spirits going into what will be a terribly vicious 30+ days.  But as they say, the things that don’t kill you, make you stronger.  So I am expecting to be one strong bastard in September.  Be forewarned… and if possible be a little forgiving of my more than usual gruffness and a bit of haunted in my eyes.

 

 

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Czech’s get it

http://www.breitbart.com/london/2017/06/29/czech-republic-passes-constitutional-right-to-bear-arms/

You will of course have to forgive the horrible choice of pictures in the article, but…

The Czech Republic has flown a giant middle finger at Brussels and the EU regarding personal rights as well as this being a double down on their anti-muslim invasion (er immigrant) stance.

I think the Czech Republic has gone up a few clicks in possible places I might consider as a fall back position.  Oh who am I kidding.  If the US gets out of control I will be the guy mending the flag or using the spear tip at the end of the flagpole as my last ditch choice.  But still good on you Czech’s for showing the world and the islamic invaders there are still ACTUAL men and sane ones at that in your country.  Protect your women, protect your country and for those women who are self reliant and sick of the BS, do the same.  Never let it be said that a modern woman can’t assume the robe of protector as well.

You would not have wanted to place yourself between my wife and safety of her loved ones.  Well, not if you didn’t want to develop some rather smarting holes in your chest.

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Minimum wage

 

http://www.cnbc.com/2017/06/27/carls-jr-slapped-with-1-point-45-million-fine-for-failing-to-pay-minimum-wage-in-l-a.html

I once had a company unfairly cheat me out of wages.  I filed with the Dept of Labor who did a bit of research and interviewed several other employees who also stated similar claims and provided appropriate documentation.

Our case took about six months to unwind and the company was found guilty of intentionally failing to pay properly.  They were given a a choice of making us whole plus a penalty paid to the government (approximately 50% plus investigation costs) and a penalty paid to the employees (approximately 50%) for time value of money.  The company was given the opportunity to appeal but if they lost the appeal the government penalty would increase and the compensation to the employee (in the case of loss of appeal) would grow to triplicate of damages.

The company wisely chose to issue a statement of no admission of guilt (they were guilty as hell) but pay the owed money plus penalties.  They made us come to the corporate office to pick up the checks as a method of attempted intimidation.  My check was for roughly $6500.  Some others had checks well over $20,000.  Not much intimidation keeping us from those checks.

My point is, that company willfully chose to rob their employees.  I personally was shorted roughly $4000.  In total, roughly $120,000 was shorted and the entire episode was cleared up for under $300,000.

Carl Jr on the other hand made a mistake of $5,400.  They paid the employees when the mistake was discovered, yet they get brutalized for $1.45 million.  So they get hammered for almost 270 times the mistake amount.  For a small business (which is much more likely to make such a mistake) that would likely cause the business to close it’s doors, especially one on the restaurant space.

The company that swindled myself and my co-workers out of overtime and some people out of minimum wage (must make at least minimum in every pay cycle even if on commission), paid a bit over double what they should have paid if they were honest.  The threat of it going to triple was effective and got us paid quickly.

California and LA are insane.  But you knew that already.

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Love vs attachment

I have been doing a lot of thinking over the past month or so.  As any of you have read my other blog posts have noticed, I recently lost a great woman and a relationship with so much potential.  I am an introspective person, sometimes not in the moment, but I always perform a DEEP after action report when things blow up in my face.

In this delve internal I have been bouncing against a flexible wall.  It hasn’t been something I have really been able to grapple with.  The texture and give made analysis difficult, which made me work more diligently at figuring out what I was encountering.  My struggles just seemed to make this particular item even more nebulous.

I think I have figured out my perplexity.  In my mind, I was running into the dichotomy of LOVE vs attachment.  That little part of my brain that is crafty when my upper brain is trying to rationalize things was throwing out a caution flag.  That part of my brain isn’t rational, rather it is an emotional player.  Sometimes it is tragically wrong, but when I listen to it, a good internal conversation always evolves.  It helps me to get perspective.

What that part of my hind brain has been showing me is that I may be attached to my most recent girlfriend more than I was in love.  That came as a shock to me.  It struck me and derailed all my thought patterns for an entire day.  I had to sift through “attachment”.  I had to step back and investigate.

I should explain attachment.

Attachment differs from love in subtle but extremely important ways.  Attachment is a needful compulsion.  This is where you need the connection to the other person.  The connection is more important than the feelings or desires of the other party.  Jealousy and rage are often the by product of the slightest errors with an attached person.  Loss of the relationship is terrifying in this case as there is no independence or desire for such.

In contrast, love is a freely given association of two people who CHOOSE to share deeply.  They are happy and encourage the independent fulfillment of each other’s desires and dreams.  They absolve one another of the small errors in life and find them as opportunities for deeper communication.

Love tends to endure, as it is an open expression of willing sharing between equals.  Love is forgiving and reinforces the good, it acts to build and strengthen.

Attachment stems from a situation of lack.  It is guarded and jealous, perceives all others as potential threats and reinforces the negatives which continually degrades and weakens the relationship.  It begins and by its very nature must end in self reinforcing pain.

I have been in both situations.  I know that sometimes one party is attached and the other party loves.  This is probably the worst scenario as a cycle of vampirism runs its course with both lefts sucked dry.

One can never be certain of the situation on the other side, the motivations of the other party.  But, I have grappled with this notion from my hind brain and I know that I was working from a position of love and I think she was too, but several things including fear got in the way.  The great thing about love — it never dies.  Never.  With breath there is life.  With life there is hope.  With hope there is love.  When there is love, all things are possible.  ALL THINGS.

 

 

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