Category Archives: Uncategorized

Trust no one (in politics)

Today is a glorious day.

Neil Gorsuch has been confirmed as the next member of the SCOTUS.  He is filling the seat vacated on the death of Antonin Scalia.  This balances out SCOTUS and makes the process of Super-legislative court actions much more difficult.

Of course this assumes Gorsuch does not pull Kennedy moves or does not abandon his originalist ideals.  I am pretty sure he will be a member of the court who faces down the living document folks (Kagan, Ginsburg…).  But trust NO ONE in politics.  That means no trusting Trump, Gorsuch or anyone else.  When Ginsburg dies / retires or whom ever else goes away, we need another originalist judge to help roll back the perversion of the Constitution by feel good / living interpretation doctrine espoused by the left.

 

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I will never love…

 

…again, like that.  I wrote a while back how the love Dawn and I shared was a perfect (for us) love.  It was and is.  There lies both the key and the problem.

Dawn and I bashed our heads against the lock of love.

At first we actively avoided any chance of love.  To that point, our lives had shown us, we were not those who found love.  So as semi-sensible adults we decided to enjoy our time together and not make it all complicated with such things.  We had fun.  We enjoyed each other’s company while we were together and when she disappeared, no great loss.  I had my other relationship and so did she.

We found a refuge from the crazy of our primary relationships, with each other.  When our partners didn’t want us, we found each other.  It was very strange, but we were two likeminded people who desperately needed shelter from the storms of our other situation.  Our relationship was fairly casual but also very close.  We became friends almost immediately.  That friendship would become the glue that bound us.  We did not know it at the time, but that friendship was the first step in building a key.

I am not ashamed to admit that after the third or fourth round of dating, I knew I was falling for Dawn in a way that was NOT casual at all.  By this time I knew I was in danger of telling her it was more than casual for me.  Then she surprised me with her younger daughter coming down visit.  Then she really surprised me when she said she wanted to introduce me as her boyfriend.  She told me that with a bit of fear written on her face.  I scooped her up in my arms and told her she was a genius.  She looked at me with a bewildered expression.  I let her go and said, you can tell her that all you want.  From my side it is true.  I have been trying to figure out how to tell you… I am falling for you… and you go and do this.  A look of uncertainty spread across her face, so I grabbed her hand and told her.  It won’t be any kind of lie.  I was trying to figure out how to ask you to be my girlfriend, but you beat me to it.  Kiss me and make it real.

She shook her head as that crooked smile graced her lips.  She kissed me then said, you are a very strange man.

I smiled back and told her she was a strange woman, but my kind of strange woman.  Then I pulled out a card from my back pocket.  It’s kind of anti-climactic now, but…

She read it and teared up.  I thought I had been to bold or something.  She saw the tinge of fear in my eyes and grabbed me in a big hug.  She whispered in my ear.  “I don’t deserve you.”

For once I kept my mouth shut, probably because I didn’t want her to hear my voice crack.  Then with the perfect timing of a teenager, Tucker knocked on the bedroom door.

Another piece of the key.

We had many other seminal events that we did not recognize in the moment.  Each was a piece of the key being built.

As odd as this will sound, by February of 2009 we had all the pieces of the key.  We both knew we loved each other.  We both knew that Tucker was very happy to have me in their lives.  All three of us knew we were a family in all but name.  There was one very large problem.

That problem can be looked at from many different angles.  We had built all the pieces of the key, but neither of us really knew how to put the key together.  She knew she wanted to keep me in her life.  She had taken me to visit her family.   I knew she was the most awesome person I had ever met and I wanted her to be a part of my life.  We were just too broken to know how to do it.  So it slipped from our hands.

Shithead stepped in and charmed her into marrying him.  That was the absolute worst 8-9 months of my life.  The ironic thing, it was also a very bad time for Dawn as well.  She knew she was making a mistake when she agreed to marry him.  She had a little voice screaming RUN during the ceremony.  Then the firestorm came.  Cancer.  In the moment, that was the worst 6 weeks of her life.  She endured two breast surgeries, a husband going from actively ignoring her to demonstrating his desire to kill her by putting her head through an interior wall, being driven from her home penniless with Tucker as a witness to all but the physical attack.

Looking back on that time, she needed the fire to burn her down to the core.  With everything else burned away she saw a freshly forged key in the ashes.  She did not recognize the significance of the key, but she did see an opportunity where she thought she had none.

She tentatively pushed the key towards the lock.  She was too scared to push it in, so she tapped on the lock.  To my surprise, I found out I was holding the lock.  I was just as shocked to find the lock as she had been to find the key.  I tentatively gripped the lock and steadied it for her.  She couldn’t get her hand steady enough to line up the key.  She tried again.  This time the key went in, but she couldn’t muster the strength to turn the key.  I turned the lock instead.

The key was roughly forged and the lock was dirty and neglected, but the key fit and it worked.  The latch sprang open and wonders poured out.  Things we had never imagined sparkled all around us.  Before we knew it, the lock was clasped together but it no longer kept us from the garden of love.  Now it linked the chain between our two hearts and we both knew how fragile and neglected both the lock and the key had been.  We both knew how lucky we were that they worked.  Without a word, we both set about correcting the deferred maintenance.  As we worked, the lock grew stouter, the key  grew stronger and so did the links of the chain.

Before we knew it the chains were gone and so was the lock.  But, that was a good thing.  They had been transformed into a pair of rings binding two hearts for eternity.

That is why I say it is both the key and the problem.  The lock and the key have disappeared.  There is no longer a key to unbind me.  Even if there was, I would not use it.  My heart and my soul are bound to Dawn.  Dawn’s heart and soul are bound to me.

She is such a giving soul.  In the last week we shared.  She pulled me aside and demanded that I do something for her.  She demanded that I wait an appropriate time before starting to date.  She told me, “no dating for at least two weeks…and no bringing some bitch to live in our house for at least two months”.  Looking at my blank stare, she smiled and kissed me, “You are too awesome of a man to not share love again after I am gone.  Go and make some woman ALMOST as happy as you’ve made me.”

I may yet do that, but I can tell you at this point.  I am done.  I have made an effort.  I have “dated”.  But my head isn’t in the game.  My soul and my heart protest.  Even my brain asks why.  Maybe someday, I will trip into something casual that turns into something awesome.  Maybe lightning will strike twice.  I won’t be holding my breath or searching anymore.

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Shaving the Federal Bureaucracy 2017

http://thefederalist.com/2017/03/20/truly-beat-bureaucrats-trump-needs-shut-agencies/

Hat tip to Peter Grant:  http://bayourenaissanceman.blogspot.com/2017/03/dont-just-trim-it-kill-it.html

I have been saying this for years.  It is not like I am the first, the last or the best at stating it.  Tons of people have been suggesting the Federal bureaucracy needs to be slashed.  The preferred method among my peer group Constitutional Conservatives is to abolish all Federal agencies that are not explicitly delineated in the Constitution.  If they are not provided for in the Constitution, then they are STATE jobs.

My plan has been to have cumulative 25% cuts for the first 2 years.  Then 35% cumulative cuts the next two years.  The following year would be a 50% cumulative cut and the next year would have a budget of zero.   The stated goal is the complete elimination of all Federal duties of the affected agencies.  Where not completely possible, those few tasks fold into Constitutionally allowed agencies who receive zero budgetary increase.  Year 6 being the zero funding year.  All rounding down to the nearest whole percentage point.

The math for the Federal Department of Education

2016 was 100% funding         ………………………………….15,536,107,000

2017 – year one of cuts would be 75.0% of 2016………….11,652080250

2018 – year two would be 56.0% of 2016 ……………….8,700,219,920

2019 – year three at 36.0% of 2016………………………5,592,998,520

2020 – year four at 23.0% of 2016…………………………3,573,304,610

2021 – year five at 11.0% of 2016………………………….1,708,971,770

2022 – year six at 0.0% of 2016……………………………ZERO

In budgetary reality, the 2017 budget is probably already or close to being set, so this would likely need to be done starting at 2018 and the entire process moved back one year.  This delay will have significant consequences if Trump (or another NON-Democrat) is not elected in Nov of 2020.  Even so, a 77% reduction would be an awesome thing.  Most of the Federal Department of Education is blackmail grants.  These grants total just over $10B.

My suggestion of the Agencies to keep:

Department of Defense – Renamed Department of War  25% increase in spending over 2016 levels

Department of State – Renamed Department of Diplomacy 25% cut in budget

Department of Treasury –  same name with complete defunding of the IRS in 36 months (33.4% budget drop annually) with the creation of the Fair Tax implementation bureau in June of 2017.  The last IRS tax return will be for year 2017, due April 15 2018.   All IRS activities will cease at month 37 with follow up and prosecution of legacy cases turned over to the Fair Tax bureau and to be resolved within 24 months. Loss of IRS budget and 25% additional budget cut.  Fair tax Bureau budget of $2B for first 2 years, then $1.8B and $1.5B respectively in year 3 and 4.  Congressional oversight after that.

Department of Commerce –

Department of Justice –  same name with complete defunding of the ATF on the same path as IRS defunding.

There may be other agencies that need to be kept.  I will entertain well thought out reasons as to why.  But for now, all other agencies die as per the Department of Education example above and associated Federal taxes are dropped as the duties revert back to the states.  There will be a 1 year delay in lowering of the tax rate to match decreased expenditures, to allow for the excess funds as a direct payoff of the National Debt.

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Regarding addiction

I have never had an addictive personality.  My drinking habits in the last year of High School and the first two years of College should have made me an alcoholic.  They did not and by the time I turned 21, my days of over drinking were mostly over.  Prior to that, I abused caffeine in a bad way.  I once went night surfing at the Cocoa Beach Pier.  Prior to hitting the water, I took two Vivarin pills and washed them down with a 44 oz Mountain Dew.  I fell asleep on the surf board 20 minutes later waiting for a wave.  That effectively ended my use of caffeine or any stimulants.

I have never done any illicit drugs and I really hate taking pain medicine, so I have been safe there.

But I did develop one addiction.  It happened later in my life.  This particular addiction slowly crept in.  It was there at the edges for a while, then became more of a mainstay.  Periodically, it would not be available and I was fine with that.  Each time it was available, I partook.  The partaking became more frequent and I began to miss it when it was unavailable.  Then there was a streak of about nine months where it was just impossible to have.  I knew where it was, but I had no access.  My temptation grew to the bursting point, but I managed my withdraw symptoms.  The temptation never went away, but I managed to dull the ache with other things and keeping busy.

Then one day out of the blue, I got a notice that it might be available.  My hope soared, then my brain kicked in and I was confused and angry.  My emotions swirled as I was confused and the information was sketchy.  Over the next week, the information seemed reliable if abstract.  Finally, I had enough torture and I demanded the source call me.

She did.  My addiction was indeed on the other end of the phone.  I was so enraptured just by the sound of her voice, I could not process her words.  My stumbling brain caught up and I processed what she was saying.  Oh crap.

You already know much of that conversation.

Life was difficult over the next few months.  We had teething issues.  We had trust issues.  We had medical issues.  We had money issues.  But, with some help, lots of work and a little luck, we managed to get on top of everything.

About two months in, she called me and I answered, “how is my addiction doing?”

She laughed and scolded me, but it made us both smile.  A few more times over the next few weeks I made some mention of her being my addiction.  She grew uncomfortable with the phrase and confronted me about it, saying that addiction had bad connotations.

My simple response was, I crave to have you when you are not with me.  I am so much happier when I have you.  I dream about you when I sleep.  I think about you when we are apart.  I crave to touch you when we are together.  Your simple presence calms me.  Call it what you want, but it sounds a lot like addiction to me.  Not all addictions are bad, I don’t know if being addicted to you is bad.  I do know that realizing I was addicted to you when you were gone was horrible, so I don’t ever want you to leave again.

She smiled and said, “your stuck.  I’m with you for life and longer.”  she paused for a moment of introspection, then said, “If that is what you define as addiction, then I am addicted too.”

That was one of my first truly great smiles.  That smile lasted the entire rest of the day.  I kissed her so much after that, she asked, “what is wrong with you?  You are never this affectionate…without us ending up horizontal.”

I just smiled and kissed her again.  I then smacked her on the ass and said, “its just me being happy that we are co-addicted.”

She smacked me back and said, “I’m gonna call it LOVE, idiot man and lets get horizontal.”

In the time since, I have learned that we were both right.  A great melded love is an addiction.  Not addiction in the bad form of the word, but it is a thing that grows within you.  It is something that tightens its grasp as time, work and effort are applied.  This is a good thing and as I am learning 8 months after her death.  I am still completely and hopelessly in love and addicted.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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That knight in shining armor.

armorAfter Dawn and I got back together and she started to believe that I wasn’t going to run away.  Run away, like so many others throughout her life; she started calling me her “Knight in shining armor”.  I would always tell her; no, I am your knight in tattered armor.

She would always insist that to her, my armor SHINED with the glory of the morning sun.

One day when we had that little verbal joust, I told her the armor is truly tattered.  But, it does glow with the glory of a blazing red Dawn.  She looked at me, under standing that I had emphasized the double entendre with her name, the morning and her red hair.  She did not catch the deeper meaning.

I smiled and told her, it is your scrupulous maintenance of my tattered armor each night, that allows me to protect again, when that gorgeous ball of red rises each morning.

She looked at me again with a slow realization on her face.

Her eyes welled up.  She dashed into my arms and cried.  She finally, truly understood we were a team.  We each had a role.  My role was to beat back dragons.  My role was to keep her safe and protected; give her the room she needed to heal and grow.  Her role was to be the diplomat / scholar and to mend my armor; physical, mental and spiritual.  She knew in that moment, we were one.  She knew in that moment, that I might not be able to save her, but I would fight until her last breath or mine.

She cried and so did I.  My armor never shined as much as it did that day and every day after.

It turned out to be until her last breath.  But I still fight.  So perhaps, it will be to my last breath too.

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March 11, 2017 · 18:51

“A day without women”

The liberal swarm: media, “women’s groups”, democrat pundits… are all up in arms about today being a great protest.  They are all about a world wide protest to prove how important women are to society.  On that premise, my answer is “duh”.  Without women the planet would be devoid of humanity within 100 years, not to mention all the other things women do.

But to their actual desires, the desire to hold countries, companies, school districts, people and I can only assume – men hostage.  Really, is that the best idea?  Is that a good way to portray your message?  Is that a good message to convey?

For one, I resent this.  I resent it for many reasons and I will share one.

This is personal.  EVERY day is a day without MY WOMAN, my wife, my partner for life and beyond, the other half of my soul.  EVERY day, I have to wake up without her endearing smile to great me as I nudge her awake with hopeful cuddles.  EVERY day, I have to figure out a way to make it through the day without refreshers of her wisdom, without her laughing at my vexation with stupid people, without her slipping her hand into mine and that gentle squeeze telling me I am the most important thing in her life.  EVERY day, I have to interact with grey scale, 2D caricatures of my formerly 3D technicolor life.

Some in the conservative movement have created a backlash idea.  “We show up”.

I will tell you with no reservations, my wife was a “We show up” woman.  Her first husband (effectively) refused to earn a living for the family.  So, “She showed up”.  She showed up so well, her part time effort to make ends meet led to a management position and more money than they had made combined when she started.  So he quit entirely.  So, she showed up even more.  That was the story of her life.  Not that other people refused, they did.  But that isn’t the point.  She showed up, then she did.  She did what needed done, then she went a bit further.  Sometimes it was working longer, sometimes it was working smarter, sometimes it was recognizing talent and promoting it.  Sometimes it was doing the dirty job no one else wanted to to.  But in a world 25 some odd years ago when “women could not succeed”, no one bothered to tell this woman who apparently didn’t know any better and did.

She went from a part time furniture “sales girl” at a local furniture store, to the Leader of Regional Expansion for a huge high end furniture chain.  She managed the construction, build out, staffing and opening marketing of 6+ stores as they opened an entire new region of sales.  She went from making just over minimum wage (plus slight commission) to a base salary over $100k with a generous bonus and benefits package.  She did not do this by holding anyone hostage over having a vagina.  She did it by showing up, working hard and smart and doing what it took to keep her children fed, clothed and to provide them an opportunity to succeed later.  She did it without the help of a good husband / partner.  She would even say she did it to compensate for the lack of …

My wife would have heard of this protest and laughed.  If she had still been in furniture management, she would have had a meeting with her staff a week or two ago.  In that meeting, she would have directly told everyone.  Take the day off if you want.  America is a free country.  Just be aware, the company has policies on unauthorized days off.  I will be documenting this meeting.  I will be documenting and prosecuting any unauthorized days off the same way I always do.  Remember actions have consequences.  I am fair and I am firm.  Her intend would have been, I have fairly warned you and I will give your story a fair listen before I send your last check to the address on record.

Have I mentioned recently, I miss that woman like I would miss my right arm?

 

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my take on “stand your ground”

Because good material at an away game needs to come home, too.

There is really only one other option other than “stand your ground”.  I like to call that run and hide.  A recipe for well:

“Run and hide just passes the buck and perhaps the bullet to someone else. Also known as the coward’s gambit. I choose to stand. I may die because of my choice, but I will NOT die a coward and endanger others so that I may cower and grovel. Others may live because I stand. I also choose not to enter gun free zones or gun free states. This gives my choice of standing some true bite.”

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