Fighting by letting go

I am watching American Sniper tonight.

I am doing work and doing some other things, but I am watching American Sniper in the background.  I have seen the movie before.

The scene that really got me tonight:

Chris comes into the kitchen with the Single Action revolver drawn and plays Wyatt Earp with his wife.  She laughs and is genuinely happy.  She comes over and tells him so.  She says, “I am so happy to have my husband back.  I know how hard you fought to get back.”

He smiles at her and says, “you, are worth fighting for.”

One of the few regrets in my life, is that I never served in the military.  In no way do I compare myself to any soldier, their sacrifice or to Chris Kyle’s story.  But, in watching that moment; I am brought to that moment in each relationship where things have turned to shit and we make a decision.  We decide if the other person and the relationship are worth fighting for.

That has happened many times in my life.  I usually choose to fight.

Exactly once so far, my fighting has for it paid off, BIG.  Way more than once, have I made that decision and failed.  Some would say, I should have stopped risking.  If I had, I never would have known an amazing marriage.  Some would say that now that it paid off once, I should stop.  Something about lightning and striking twice…  Some would even say that the one time it paid off, it really didn’t.  Those people don’t get a chance to speak to me again.

Call me a crazy romantic.  Call me an insane masochist.  Call me what you like.  When the person is worth it; when the relationship is worth it… I have to … fight… for… it.  It is hardwired in my DNA.

But sometimes the hardest fight is letting go.  Sometimes the best thing for everyone is letting go.  I find myself having to do a lot of letting go this past year.  I hate letting go.  It tastes like failure to me.

Today, the thing that allows me to swallow that bitter pill… the one thing…I let go of a relationship in late 2007 and met Dawn.  Then I let Dawn go, back in the middle of 2009.

 

For those who don’t know.  Dawn and I married in the middle of 2012.  So I guess, I know quite deeply that sometimes, that taste of failure can lead to great success.

I have that taste of failure in my mouth right now.  I hope this is at least the equivalent of late 2007, If not the middle of 2009.

The failure to let go of 1995, it is not.  I hope that lesson stays burned in my soul FOREVER.

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