This will be a multi level apology. It will also be a many other things.
First off, my apology for not writing on this blog for the last 2+ months. I have a VERY good reason for that. I found an amazing woman who captured my heart and gave me much more than a glimpse at great things.
She is a fellow gunny. She also lost her spouse. Her politics line up quite well with mine and we have tons in common. We spent three hours just talking the first day we met. We were supposed to be involved in a photo shoot and the photographer had to kick us to actually do the photo shoot as we were so deeply involved in our conversation.
We spent a TON of time together over the last two months. Things were evolving and growing quickly. I fell deeply in love with this gorgeous (inside and out) woman. She fell in love with me, as well.
That is where things get sticky. Things happened so quickly, we missed a few things. By we, I mostly mean me. My personality is quite strong and my interaction with many of her friends did not go as well as they might have. In my enthusiasm for the new exciting relationship (and lets face facts simply not being depressed and having someone awesome in my life again) I rolled right through some of her soft barriers. Roll through enough of those and there will be consequences, especially if the lovely woman is not comfortable vocalizing the issue. It did not help that in my enthusiasm I didn’t listen as carefully as I should have, when she did.
I have often been told I am too focused on things other than the moment. I should relax and enjoy the now, you know “stop and smell the roses”. I seem to have stopped to smell the roses here and completely inhaled them and trampled a few as well.
It seems that in my excitement about finding such an awesome match, I didn’t do the appropriate due diligence and assumed the closeness of the match meant that things would just flow smoothly. Note to self, that is really stupid. All relationships need to be focused on. All relationships have little barbs that need to be watched for, trimmed and the occasional wound needs to be addressed immediately and carefully tended.
In what can most likely be attributed to hubris, I have driven an amazing relationship against a jagged rocky shoal at high speed. The ship is crippled and mostly sunk at this point. It is bad enough that I have done this to myself; but, the truly bad thing is no relationship happens without another party. In my hubris, I have damaged a widow. I have smashed another dent into her trust in men and ruined what could and should have been a great thing.
Obviously, both parties have some culpability. But I have come to realize much / most of this one falls squarely in my lap. My realization came a day late and all that.
You know who you are.
If you happen to ever read this. Know I wanted to share this with you, but realized it would seem like a self serving attempt to win you back with false humility.
I know the well has enough poison in it, so I really don’t need to add any more damage to what I have done. Your pain and need to end things is my shame. Know that I am NOW, keenly aware of it.