I, am Not a real American

I got a new job recently.  I like the job and it is a significant improvement over my last job.  Less drama and more pay.  Sweet.

One of the disadvantages of the new job is that I have to show my driver’s license to get on the property.  Not a big deal except that I failed to put my license back in my wallet, then promptly lost my license.  Not a big deal, but annoying.

Seeing as I am not completely stupid, I hit the intrawebs and figured out the appropriate ID documents the DMV would require for a replacement.  I made a list, gathered the items and headed out for an early morning trip to the DMV.  All is good in the kingdom.  I arrive at the DMV and have a conversation with the gatekeeper.  I exchange pleasantries with the DMV lady then hand her over my stack of documents.  She types in my social security number and starts shaking her head.

DMV  “These documents are not going to work.”

Me  “What? This is the exact list from your website.”

DMV “Yes that is true, but you are not a Real American.”

Me “Huh, what are you talking about?  I am not a REAL AMERICAN? Are you saying your computer says I am not a US Citizen?”

DMV “Um, no.  I said that wrong. You do not qualify as a  Real ID American.”

Me  “And what exactly does that mean?”

DMV  “it means you have been flagged as not qualifying for basic level documents for proof of ID.  We need additional ID to prove you are who you are.” 

Me  “Social security card – illegal to use as ID, Voter ID card – illegal to use for anything other than voting, Birth certificate and my vehicle registration – not sure how this can prove anything.  Ok so here is my CCW STATE ISSUED ID.  I know I can use a STATE ID to get another STATE ID.  Correct?

DMV “No, DHS will not allow us to use that.  Do you have a US passport?”

Me  “Yes, but it is expired.  So it is useless.”

DMV “No, DHS will allow us to accept that.”

Me  “So now I have to drive home and get a document your website and the law says is not a valid ID, so I can prove that I am a REAL AMERICAN?  

DMV ” y…”

Me “could I just switch a hablar espanol?  Es mas facil por una persona que es illegal, no?

DMV ” uh, … oh, no being an illegal does not allow you to get a driver’s license in this state. .. pause… But, I get your point.  Sorry.”

So a US Citizen (who admittedly was born in a communist leaning state) must provide FIVE items to be issued a replacement Driver’s License.  One of which CANNOT be a state issued picture ID that allows me to carry a firearm most anywhere I go.  But if I had not been flagged by DHS, I could show four items that had NO picture and are fairly easy to forge.  Upon further review, for those below the age of 21 – a mommy note will suffice as one of the documents.  But my STATE ISSUED CCW PERMIT will not suffice.

It was a Black Flag day and it was my Birthday. 

Some days I crave the upcoming revolution.



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Filed under idiocrity, personal, silly politicians

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